He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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