no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
