I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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