why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
