You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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