Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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