If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
