we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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