i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize