I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
