he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
