So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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