I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
