dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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