M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
