uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
