Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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