I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
