last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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