What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
