i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
