Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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