these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
