There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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