I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
