so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
