I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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