Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she smelled like a LAN party
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
