suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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