I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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