i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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