i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
