Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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