I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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