Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(551): View more from New Jersey

Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition

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(480): View more from Arizona

Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.

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(516): View more from New York

yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...

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(862): View more from New Jersey

This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.

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(330): View more from Ohio

my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark

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