i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
