Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
