if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
