Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
