There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
