was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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