You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
