I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
