I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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