you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just gift wrapped bread.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
