he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
