i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
