so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
