Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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