I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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