And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
