oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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