I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
