We're like a lot better than the average bears
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
