it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
