I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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