I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
