I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
