I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
