paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
