you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
