That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
