farters have to be the big spoon...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize