You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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