trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Let's get the cat blown out
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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