So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So apparently I’m into choking now
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
