so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
