I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
