I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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