I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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