Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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